Saturday, September 29, 2007

I Ran a Marathon Today!

26.2 miles baby, yes I did! It was the most beautiful, cool, crisp fall day, not a cloud in the sky. We started at 6:35 a.m. and I finished about 10 -15 minutes after Jane at 12:05. I can't believe I did it, and it was just NOT that bad. I felt healthy and well prepared and just did it. My feet and lower legs were really sore but now I feel great.

Maddie's getting ready for homecoming so I'm taking her to another girl's house for pictures and then was gonna come home, have a quiet night and watch a movie with Ginny. (Pancho and Cassie are at Nickie's family weekend at Elon.) Jane said, "You mean you're not going out to celebrate with some drinks? That's what I'm doing."

I suddenly realized, duh, I could brag about this all night! And as anyone who knows me is aware, I am not exactly one to hide my light under a bushel, so I have reconsidered. Drinkypoos (possibly free ones due to my amazing achievement!) at someplace fun are definitely now in the plan...

Saturday, September 08, 2007

23 Miles, and Doubt Revisited

OK, I know I promised not to dwell on my boring running regimen anymore, but I just have to write down the momentous event that happened in my life today: I ran 23 freaking miles. Technically, I ran/walked 23 miles, but the important point is, at mile 21 I truly believed for the first time that I can finish the marathon and meet my most challenging goal in this midlife-crisis year.

I also decided today that this is the most challenging goal I've ever set for myself, and running 23 miles was definitely the most difficult thing I've ever done. (Maybe having babies is up there, but such a distant memory it seems all soft and nice and lovely now.) At mile 15 I almost gave up, because I've been sick for over a week with a bad summer cold. Please excuse the graphic details, but I have mucus in my head and lungs which definitely affect my aerobic capabilities. Last weekend I ran the Rock & Roll 1/2 Marathon in VA Beach -- which by the way is a BLAST! -- and I really struggled then too.

Today, I think I learned what it means to "dig deep." I finally understand what the word 'endurance' means. Whenever I heard or read people saying you have to dig deep before, I automatically thought, 'Oh I am so not the kind of person who digs deep.' I'm a total wimp -- if I hit the wall, I simply decide it's time to call it a day and that's that -- no big internal tug of war; no guilt or sense of shame at quitting. I've done my best and now it's time to stop whatever it is that's making me so damn tired.

But when I almost quit at 15 miles, good ol' Jane said, "OK, I think maybe you're right. You'll just have to do it next Friday while I'm out of town, because you have to do the whole 23 before we do 26, our final training run, in three weeks." I went into the community center, got some water, ate some Goo, and thought to myself, "There is no f$%^ing way I'm coming out here next Friday ALONE and doing this again. If I have to crawl or drop dead on the trail, I've simply got to do these last eight miserable miles today."

So I did. And it really sucked. But the amazing thing is, it wasn't that much worse than all the other long runs we've done. I now actually believe I can do this -- as long as I don't get sick or injured, knock on wood. A big day. And now that's it -- even I'm sick of these nauseating stories about running.

So on a completely different topic (and my personal favorite -- religion), recently released letters reveal that Mother Theresa, the soon-to-be saint of Calcutta, spent the vast majority of her adult life doubting the existence of God. She wrote of her complete sense of loneliness and isolation, her belief that the God she prayed to every day (and who she had of course "married" when she took her vows as a nun), very likely wasn't even there. Her doubts and the despondency they caused are shocking to believe, especially when you think that despite them she continued doing the most difficult, selfless work for the most marginalized untouchables in the world until her dying days.

This may be sick and twisted, but I find the fact that one of the most admired, truly good people in the world, who is often held up as an unquestionnable example of a modern saint, had massive doubts about the whole works: Jesus' divinity; whether he was really listening to her in any kind of personal way; whether she had a soul; or whether it was instead just a bunch of stories.

I find Mother Theresa's doubts enormously satisfying. They make me like her and admire her far more than I ever did before. They make her real, and they also of course point out that if someone like MT doubted the existence of God, then how is it not perfectly understandable that we mere mortals ask the very same questions.

On that note, I'd like to share an interesting tidbit I found recently, although I can't remember where. It's called God is Clincally Insane:

According to two senior Church of England bishops, recent terrible floods in the UK are expressions of God's wrath at excess consumption -- or possibly excess ‘gay friendliness.’ "We have a responsibility in this and God is exposing us to the truth of what we have done," the Rt. Rev .James Jones, bishop of Liverpool, told The Telegraph.

"We are reaping the consequences of our moral degradation, as well as the environmental damage that we have caused." said the Rt. Rev. Graham Dow, bishop of Carlisle. "The sexual orientation regulations [which give greater rights to gays] are part of a general scene of permissiveness. We are in a situation where we are liable for God's judgment, which is intended to call us to repentance." According to the Telegraph, Dow "expressed his sympathy for those who have been hit by the weather, but said that the problem with ‘environmental judgment is that it is indiscriminate.'"

Now just hold on a minute here. God left thousands of innocent Britons homeless-- to say nothing of other recent flood victims from Texas to Pakistan -- to make a point about something those people had nothing to do with? A point no one, except a handful of clergymen, seemed to get? If God is powerful enough to cause floods, why isn't he powerful enough to target his smitings to, say, the annual meeting of Exxon shareholders or Friends of the Incandescent Light Bulb? Surely God is aware that environmental catastrophes hit the most vulnerable hardest. The CEOs and superconsumers in their 4000-square-foot mansions have insurance, to say nothing of Hummers in which to make a quick escape to their condo in the city.

As for the gay thing, if a human being somehow managed to flood whole neighborhoods, destroying the lives of multitudes, and when asked why replied that he was furious, just furious, at growing tolerance for homosexuality, we would think he was insane. And he would be.

So maybe God exists, but is clinically mad. That would explain just about everything.