So things are looking good on the Haiti front. First, I met Pere Leroy, the parish priest and de facto mayor of the village we are going to. I attended a couple of meetings with him and translated for him at mass Saturday evening. He's awesome -- very funny, charming and handsome! Not to mention practically a saint for devoting his entire life to improving the lot of the people of Medor for the past 8 years. I can't wait to talk to him about my problems with the church and newfound freethinking ways -- that oughtta pass the time, huh?!
Also, I happened to mention my little issue with using a spider-infested latrine at night, and asked him specifically where the convent was in relation to the rectory, to see if I could get there easily with a flashlight. And guess what -- he had no idea we were planning to stay in the convent and insisted we all stay at the rectory with him and his flush toilet. So no nighttime prowls for me -- yeah!
Next, a couple that is coming on the trip have refused to stay overnight in Port au Prince because of the kidnappings. We decided to stay just one night near the airport because our plane gets in too late to make it to the end of the road to Medor before dark, and also to meet with the Unicef guy we've asked for money for the water project. Instead, we're driving two hours outside the city and staying overnight at "Club Wahoo" -- a tropical resort on the beach that used to be a Club Med! And now we have to stay there one night on the way back too, so we can meet with the Unicef guy at the airport the next morning before leaving.
I have very mixed feelings about this. On one hand I am totally psyched for the whole "roughing it" thing. While I love to exercise and play outside, I'm not what you'd call outdoorsy, like a camper, say. So I've been really excited about challenging myself that way. In fact, I'm wearing my cool new hiking boots right now, trying to break them in slowly. (And of course, it WILL go slowly if I sit here and type instead of actually walking around in them, ha ha.) I'm also semi-ashamed to admit that I'm looking forward to wearing my cool new hiking pants, which unzip to make shorts. If you know me you know this isn't exactly my fashion style, but in the right setting I think they'll be perfect. Yes, I'm afraid I can be that shallow.
On the other hand, I suspect the comforts and luxuries -- hot showers! -- of Club Wahoo will be a sight for sore eyes after six days without such niceties. I'm pretty sure I won't be complaining then.
And finally, all this thinking about Haiti and meeting Pere Leroy has given me a fabulous idea for my next novel -- a sequel! I've been appointed the trip scribe, with responsiblity for chronicling all of our work, meetings and experiences. But mingled in with test results of e-coli content in water sources and the first-hand account of a little boy who literally walks for two hours each way barefoot to Medor every day so he can attend school and get a hot meal, will be the seeds of Liza's next journey. Still 40-something (the great thing about novels is you can let your favorite characters never grow old) and still searching for meaning in her safe, suburban existence, she'll go on a mission trip that just might change her life. It'll include my favorite religious themes of course and maybe even a scandalous liaison with a handsome priest -- wahoo is right!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
KB Concepts P.R.
My response to the last comment reminded me that I have big news which will have a huge impact on my writing -- I quit my job! I've resigned from the wonderful, flexible job I've had for the past 8 1/2 years doing P.R. for AHC Inc., a nonprofit affordable housing developer. I've had the best boss imaginable and done a variety of interesting work. But the job was becoming more and more demanding, and harder to ignore during my time off, and hence harder to focus on my own writing.
So I'm making a change. I've decided to start my own consulting business, KB Concepts P.R. I'll offer my services to nonprofits only, doing annual reports, brochures and awards, media relations, special events and photography. My current boss already offered me a job taking photos at an event!
My last day at AHC is March 8th. Then I'll go to Haiti for a week, run a 1/2 marathon, celebrate my birthday and work seriously at finishing my novel. At the same time, I'm setting up a home office and thinking about logos, accounting systems and new clients. I plan to exercise and write my own stuff in the mornings, see clients and work on my business in the afternoons.
Have you ever felt like your life is taking off in a new direction and you have very little control over these big changes and happenings? But it feels OK because somehow you know it's all good and the right way to go? Well that's been my life for the past several months and I can tell it's gonna continue this way for months to come. I'm riding the wave, embracing the changes and excited about the future. Something big is happening and I'm just gonna roll with it.
There've been a couple of other times before in my life when this happened, and I remember them vividly. I'm a little older and hopefully a little wiser now, although god knows not one bit more mature. So I'm going for it -- and just like the theater manager says in my favorite movie of all time, Shakespeare in Love, it always works out in the end. How? No one knows -- it's a mystery.
So I'm making a change. I've decided to start my own consulting business, KB Concepts P.R. I'll offer my services to nonprofits only, doing annual reports, brochures and awards, media relations, special events and photography. My current boss already offered me a job taking photos at an event!
My last day at AHC is March 8th. Then I'll go to Haiti for a week, run a 1/2 marathon, celebrate my birthday and work seriously at finishing my novel. At the same time, I'm setting up a home office and thinking about logos, accounting systems and new clients. I plan to exercise and write my own stuff in the mornings, see clients and work on my business in the afternoons.
Have you ever felt like your life is taking off in a new direction and you have very little control over these big changes and happenings? But it feels OK because somehow you know it's all good and the right way to go? Well that's been my life for the past several months and I can tell it's gonna continue this way for months to come. I'm riding the wave, embracing the changes and excited about the future. Something big is happening and I'm just gonna roll with it.
There've been a couple of other times before in my life when this happened, and I remember them vividly. I'm a little older and hopefully a little wiser now, although god knows not one bit more mature. So I'm going for it -- and just like the theater manager says in my favorite movie of all time, Shakespeare in Love, it always works out in the end. How? No one knows -- it's a mystery.
Fundraising and Chapter 5
I hate fundraising, which I've had to do in exchange for this 1/2 marathon training program. So last night I co-hosted a happy hour with another runner where for a $10 cover charge (that goes to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society) my pals got to drink for a good cause. And thanks to Jadie and Leslie, who gave me a HUGE check from their fabulous company, InterImage, I've met my goal and don't have to fundraise anymore. Thank you Jadie and Leslie!
So the homework I sent Hannah this week included the first pages of my novel she's ever read. They were from my latest chapter, and a scene where Liza goes out to lunch with a colleague whose intentions are not entirely professional. It was fun to write, especially the dialogue, like a movie playing in my head.
Hannah liked it -- she thinks I'm really cruising now! -- but she said I need to add more character tags, gestures and other things that differentiate the characters, and also add more setting elements such as props, furniture, weather and lighting, again just like in a movie scene. If you can believe this, she suggested I might want to slow the story down a bit to give the reader time to savor it. I could use that advice in real life too!
My homework assignment is to go back and add those things to Chapter 5. And now I realize I'm also gonna have to look at the four previous chapters and do the same with those. So -- one step forward and five big ones back. But it still feels like I'm going forward.
So the homework I sent Hannah this week included the first pages of my novel she's ever read. They were from my latest chapter, and a scene where Liza goes out to lunch with a colleague whose intentions are not entirely professional. It was fun to write, especially the dialogue, like a movie playing in my head.
Hannah liked it -- she thinks I'm really cruising now! -- but she said I need to add more character tags, gestures and other things that differentiate the characters, and also add more setting elements such as props, furniture, weather and lighting, again just like in a movie scene. If you can believe this, she suggested I might want to slow the story down a bit to give the reader time to savor it. I could use that advice in real life too!
My homework assignment is to go back and add those things to Chapter 5. And now I realize I'm also gonna have to look at the four previous chapters and do the same with those. So -- one step forward and five big ones back. But it still feels like I'm going forward.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
I Love Rhode Island
The thing I love most about Rhode Island is that just about everywhere you look, you can see the water. When I first moved away, that's what I missed the most. These pictures are right outside my mom's place. It occurred to me last weekend I should use it while she's in Florida for the winter as a quiet retreat and place to write.
Of course, I could never actually live in Rhode Island because that's where all my crazy relatives are. I love them, of course, but only for short visits and from a distance the rest of the time. Luckily, I don't think any of them read this blog!
Friday, February 16, 2007
Characters
I'm obsessed with my characters. After interviewing them and creating their back stories, prompted by Hannah, I feel like these real people are now living in my head. It's becoming difficult to focus on my everyday life, with all their conversations going on! I'm carrying my notebook around and scribbling in it whenever I have a second, using my laptop when I'm at home.
I've read a lot of books about writing and I used to think authors were exaggerating, making it sound more accidental and easier than it really was, to write like this. But it's like their lives are going on in my head and I have to get them out or I'll go nuts -- it's so cool!
So off to the even more freezing and snowy Rhode Island I go, notebook in hand, for my mom's 75th birthday party. It'll be great to be with my yankee people, especially with my three southern belles in tow. It occurred to me this morning that mom had just turned 25 when she had me, and I was her fourth kid in five years. No wonder she's crazy!
I've read a lot of books about writing and I used to think authors were exaggerating, making it sound more accidental and easier than it really was, to write like this. But it's like their lives are going on in my head and I have to get them out or I'll go nuts -- it's so cool!
So off to the even more freezing and snowy Rhode Island I go, notebook in hand, for my mom's 75th birthday party. It'll be great to be with my yankee people, especially with my three southern belles in tow. It occurred to me this morning that mom had just turned 25 when she had me, and I was her fourth kid in five years. No wonder she's crazy!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
ID's, please!
The good news is I'm getting a little comment chatter on my blog -- yeah! The bad news is everyone who posts a comment has the same name, Anonymous. This gets a little confusing, especially trying to have any kind of dialogue with people with different points of view.
So come on, guys -- pick something a little more creative. How about Agent 99? 007? John or Jane Smith? Pleeeaase?!
So come on, guys -- pick something a little more creative. How about Agent 99? 007? John or Jane Smith? Pleeeaase?!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Swimming
I went swimming this morning, been trying to do that once a week in between running days. I used to hate swimming and finally took some lessons this past year. Now I can't believe how much I love it.
It's the perfect antidote to the pounding of running. I love how it feels to slip into the warm water, how my body floats, how it sounds as I start doing laps, how my breathing is loud but only in my own ears, how I reach and reach and turn my head to breathe, concentrating on going smoothly, not too fast, keeping my hips up, legs straight, toes pointed. How I sort of hum when I blow out through my mouth when my face is in the water and wonder if anyone else can hear that, but don't really care if they can. How trying to remember all the little things I learned in my lessons and focusing on my form makes it impossible to think about anything else at all.
This is the only exercise I have ever done that truly empties my mind. It's like meditating. For an entire half hour my mind is completely empty of all my worries and obsessions, all my plans and ideas, all the things on my to-do list. The rhythmic breathing is a lot like meditating too. I'm hooked, and know this is something I can do for the rest of my life.
It's the perfect antidote to the pounding of running. I love how it feels to slip into the warm water, how my body floats, how it sounds as I start doing laps, how my breathing is loud but only in my own ears, how I reach and reach and turn my head to breathe, concentrating on going smoothly, not too fast, keeping my hips up, legs straight, toes pointed. How I sort of hum when I blow out through my mouth when my face is in the water and wonder if anyone else can hear that, but don't really care if they can. How trying to remember all the little things I learned in my lessons and focusing on my form makes it impossible to think about anything else at all.
This is the only exercise I have ever done that truly empties my mind. It's like meditating. For an entire half hour my mind is completely empty of all my worries and obsessions, all my plans and ideas, all the things on my to-do list. The rhythmic breathing is a lot like meditating too. I'm hooked, and know this is something I can do for the rest of my life.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Writing Naked
So my second assignment for my writing coach Hannah is due, and I've had a bad headache since reading the questions. Last week I "interviewed" my main character Liza, her likes and dislikes, education, family of origin, religion, parents, siblings, etc. It was a great way for me to get to know her background and what makes her tick.
This week Hannah wants to know more. What embarrasses her? What is she most ashamed of? Does she ever completely melt down, sobbing on the floor, or crawling into a bag of french fries (her favorite food)? What was her relationship with her father like? Her mother? Siblings? Has she ever had a bad fight with her best friend, and why?
Now, I am a very open person. That's my M.O., how people know me. A former boss, after listening to numerous Monday morning stories about my weekends when I was single and living on Capitol Hill, dubbed me Karen "my life is an open book" Beauregard. She said she loved Monday mornings and would not let me get to work until I told her and the rest of our small office at GWU at least one good story. Clearly her life was pathetically boring. But it was great, because I've always found my life endlessly fascinating and funny and assume other people do too.
I also ask people lots of personal and probably inappropriate questions, and they in turn have always told me the most amazing and personal things. My husband used to joke that I shoud've had a talk show like Oprah and we would have been rich. He couldn't believe the stuff people tell me.
But this is different. These are questions about things I don't dwell on, that make me uncomfortable, and that I definitely don't want to share. I guess there is a secret, private part of me after all, and digging around in there is not all that fun. I just completed the assignment and it feels I left my blood and guts on the floor.
But amazingly, it also feels like Liza is this living, breathing, endlessly fascinating person (big surprise, ha ha!) that I can't wait to keep writing about, whose story I absolutely want to tell. (Also not sure I can ever actually let anyone read the novel now.) These exercises are so cool -- Hannah is awesome! Part two of the assignment is to write the next chapter, and here I go.
By the way, if you want to know more about Hannah's classes, check out her website at http://www.hannahrgoodman.com.
This week Hannah wants to know more. What embarrasses her? What is she most ashamed of? Does she ever completely melt down, sobbing on the floor, or crawling into a bag of french fries (her favorite food)? What was her relationship with her father like? Her mother? Siblings? Has she ever had a bad fight with her best friend, and why?
Now, I am a very open person. That's my M.O., how people know me. A former boss, after listening to numerous Monday morning stories about my weekends when I was single and living on Capitol Hill, dubbed me Karen "my life is an open book" Beauregard. She said she loved Monday mornings and would not let me get to work until I told her and the rest of our small office at GWU at least one good story. Clearly her life was pathetically boring. But it was great, because I've always found my life endlessly fascinating and funny and assume other people do too.
I also ask people lots of personal and probably inappropriate questions, and they in turn have always told me the most amazing and personal things. My husband used to joke that I shoud've had a talk show like Oprah and we would have been rich. He couldn't believe the stuff people tell me.
But this is different. These are questions about things I don't dwell on, that make me uncomfortable, and that I definitely don't want to share. I guess there is a secret, private part of me after all, and digging around in there is not all that fun. I just completed the assignment and it feels I left my blood and guts on the floor.
But amazingly, it also feels like Liza is this living, breathing, endlessly fascinating person (big surprise, ha ha!) that I can't wait to keep writing about, whose story I absolutely want to tell. (Also not sure I can ever actually let anyone read the novel now.) These exercises are so cool -- Hannah is awesome! Part two of the assignment is to write the next chapter, and here I go.
By the way, if you want to know more about Hannah's classes, check out her website at http://www.hannahrgoodman.com.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Missing Cojones
The Washington Post is running a letter I wrote to them this week. It'll be on the Free for All page of Saturday's paper. I've been pissed off that their coverage of the Scooter Libby trial keeps appearing on page A3 or A5, instead of on the front page where it belongs. The Vice President apparently committed a felony, for god's sake -- this is not front page news? But the intricacies of Whitewater were for years when Clinton was president?!
So this is what they're running, and remember you (all my legions of readers, ha ha) saw it here first: Why were stories about Vice President Cheney’s involvement in the trial of I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby buried on Page A5 on Feb. 4? This is front-page news. Cheney is the point man, the unindicted co-conspirator. All evidence seems to point to him. Karen Bate, Arlington.
Strangely, they edited out my two best lines: What are you afraid of, your GE bosses? Have some cojones!
Oh well, guess that hit too close to home, huh? cracking up.
So this is what they're running, and remember you (all my legions of readers, ha ha) saw it here first: Why were stories about Vice President Cheney’s involvement in the trial of I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby buried on Page A5 on Feb. 4? This is front-page news. Cheney is the point man, the unindicted co-conspirator. All evidence seems to point to him. Karen Bate, Arlington.
Strangely, they edited out my two best lines: What are you afraid of, your GE bosses? Have some cojones!
Oh well, guess that hit too close to home, huh? cracking up.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Snow Day Book Review
Only in Arlington is your kid's school cancelled for the entire day because there is one inch of dry light powder on the ground. Arlington public schools had a mere two-hour delay, to allow buses to slog through the treacherous mounds of icy stuff -- not! -- but Fairfax County, which Nickie's school follows, needed the whole day off. But it's all good -- I love a snow day!
Nickie, 17, and her pals have been passing around the book "He's Just Not That Into You" by Jeff Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, writers on Sex and the City, who got the idea from an episode they wrote for the show. I read it last weekend in one sitting, and parents of young girls: this is a must have for our smart, confidant, fabulous girls, who can be led astray to waste their precious time and energy, not to mention tender hearts, on men who are not worthy.
The book is great, short and funny -- Greg Behrendt provides a black and white view of what men really think, and dismisses all the many excuses women make for them. "He's shy, he's really busy, he's been hurt, he just got out of a bad relationship, he doesn't want to ruin our friendship." It's all baloney! If a man is into you, likes you, wants to date you, doesn't want some other guy to get you first, he will call you, he will woo you, he will be thoughtful and care what you want and how you feel. He will want to make you like him too.
I've bought and sent a copy to Cassie, 19, and a college freshman too. I hope I can spare them, or at least forearm them, so they don't forget who they are and put up with any crap from guys, so they can size them up quickly and move on to a better model, so they don't waste their time and thoughts and hearts on guys who just aren't that into them.
Nickie, 17, and her pals have been passing around the book "He's Just Not That Into You" by Jeff Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, writers on Sex and the City, who got the idea from an episode they wrote for the show. I read it last weekend in one sitting, and parents of young girls: this is a must have for our smart, confidant, fabulous girls, who can be led astray to waste their precious time and energy, not to mention tender hearts, on men who are not worthy.
The book is great, short and funny -- Greg Behrendt provides a black and white view of what men really think, and dismisses all the many excuses women make for them. "He's shy, he's really busy, he's been hurt, he just got out of a bad relationship, he doesn't want to ruin our friendship." It's all baloney! If a man is into you, likes you, wants to date you, doesn't want some other guy to get you first, he will call you, he will woo you, he will be thoughtful and care what you want and how you feel. He will want to make you like him too.
I've bought and sent a copy to Cassie, 19, and a college freshman too. I hope I can spare them, or at least forearm them, so they don't forget who they are and put up with any crap from guys, so they can size them up quickly and move on to a better model, so they don't waste their time and thoughts and hearts on guys who just aren't that into them.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Pictures
I'm trying to figure out how to post pictures on this blog. This one is supposed to be much smaller and up in the right hand corner. Does anyone know how to do this? the instructions are crazy.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Ayiti
Ayiti -- that's Haitian Creole for Haiti, where I am going in March. I'm reading my "Creole Made Easy" and got my MMR shot and prescriptions for the malaria and typhus vaccines yesterday, as well as a prescription for Cipro, which I really hope I won't need.
The village of Medor has no running water, no potable water (so eating anything, especially anything uncooked, is gonna be dicey), no electricity, no postal service, no government, no roads. Our group of 13 is going for the dedication of a new church, which we helped raise money for, and also to conduct surveys of the water sources we identified as part of our clean water project. The sources are several miles on foot in each direction, and since I'll be there the week before the 1/2 marathon and will be missing my runs, I volunteered to hike out to the farthest ones -- should be a blast and I'll get some awesome pictures.
A bunch of visiting bishops and priests are also coming for the dedication, and there will be parties and celebrating Haitian style -- lots of singing and dancing -- every day. The priests and bishops are staying in the rectory with Pere Leroy, the pastor, and Fr. Stan, a great guy from Africa who I met this summer. Our group is staying in the convent next door. So get this -- the rectory has a flush toilet that runs on a generator; the convent has a latrine. So Pere Leroy, who can basically pull it out and pee in the bushes whenever he wants, has a toilet, and the nuns, who are women and therefore get PERIODS, have a latrine. This is SO typical of the sexist, screwed up Catholic church!
And I just found out that there are TARANTULAS in Medor -- that come out when you use the latrines!! One woman who heard this at a meeting this week has promptly dropped out -- she's arachnophobic. And let's face it -- who really loves spiders?? So I've decided I'm gonna tell Pere Leroy and Father Stan that they better leave the rectory door unlocked at night, because if I have to go, that's where I'm goin'! I am NOT going to a latrine with tarantulas in it in the pitch dark, not even for a good cause!!
The good news is the nuns do have a refrigerator which they keep stocked with beer, and they love to play cards. I'm sure we'll have way more fun with them than with a bunch of priests!
The village of Medor has no running water, no potable water (so eating anything, especially anything uncooked, is gonna be dicey), no electricity, no postal service, no government, no roads. Our group of 13 is going for the dedication of a new church, which we helped raise money for, and also to conduct surveys of the water sources we identified as part of our clean water project. The sources are several miles on foot in each direction, and since I'll be there the week before the 1/2 marathon and will be missing my runs, I volunteered to hike out to the farthest ones -- should be a blast and I'll get some awesome pictures.
A bunch of visiting bishops and priests are also coming for the dedication, and there will be parties and celebrating Haitian style -- lots of singing and dancing -- every day. The priests and bishops are staying in the rectory with Pere Leroy, the pastor, and Fr. Stan, a great guy from Africa who I met this summer. Our group is staying in the convent next door. So get this -- the rectory has a flush toilet that runs on a generator; the convent has a latrine. So Pere Leroy, who can basically pull it out and pee in the bushes whenever he wants, has a toilet, and the nuns, who are women and therefore get PERIODS, have a latrine. This is SO typical of the sexist, screwed up Catholic church!
And I just found out that there are TARANTULAS in Medor -- that come out when you use the latrines!! One woman who heard this at a meeting this week has promptly dropped out -- she's arachnophobic. And let's face it -- who really loves spiders?? So I've decided I'm gonna tell Pere Leroy and Father Stan that they better leave the rectory door unlocked at night, because if I have to go, that's where I'm goin'! I am NOT going to a latrine with tarantulas in it in the pitch dark, not even for a good cause!!
The good news is the nuns do have a refrigerator which they keep stocked with beer, and they love to play cards. I'm sure we'll have way more fun with them than with a bunch of priests!
Friday, February 02, 2007
Web 2.0: Returning Power to the People
Went to another very cool seminar on Web 2.0 today -- i love this stuff! Think about it -- YouTube, Google, bloggers, Code Pink, MoveOn.org, these guys are all doing the same thing -- sharing information, getting people involved, influencing public opinion and galvanzing activism from the bottom up. Code Pink activists are going to "occupy" every congressional office on Monday that hasn't publicly repudiated Bush and Cheney's surge, to remind them that we all voted in November to get OUT of Iraq. This kind of thing, and so many other examples, is finally giving power back to the people.
For too long our leaders have thought they could do whatever the hell they wanted with impunity, because what could we do if we disagreed, even if we found out about it? There were so many secrets and lies, about CIA activities, about who they took money from and what they quietly tacked onto legislation. But those days are over, and our "decider" is in for a rude awakening. As wonderful Molly Ivins said in her last column before dying, WE are the deciders, and thanks to Web 2.0, the bloggers and You Tubers -- remember macaca?? -- our message can be heard loud and clear and the powers that be have to listen and act if they want to hold onto their seats.
No more bullshit, because it will be exposed. It's like the old days of our democracy, when people gathered at town meetings and decided stuff together. Now the town meetings just take place online. It's so exciting and awesome. Can't you feel it? It's revolutionary -- power to the people, baby, oh yeah!!
For too long our leaders have thought they could do whatever the hell they wanted with impunity, because what could we do if we disagreed, even if we found out about it? There were so many secrets and lies, about CIA activities, about who they took money from and what they quietly tacked onto legislation. But those days are over, and our "decider" is in for a rude awakening. As wonderful Molly Ivins said in her last column before dying, WE are the deciders, and thanks to Web 2.0, the bloggers and You Tubers -- remember macaca?? -- our message can be heard loud and clear and the powers that be have to listen and act if they want to hold onto their seats.
No more bullshit, because it will be exposed. It's like the old days of our democracy, when people gathered at town meetings and decided stuff together. Now the town meetings just take place online. It's so exciting and awesome. Can't you feel it? It's revolutionary -- power to the people, baby, oh yeah!!
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Fear Not and Let Your Light Shine
I met some really great women this weekend at my writers workshop, and one of them, Alaine, reminded me about a wonderful quote by Marianne Williamson that I've always loved. Now I don't know if there's a god, and I certainly don't believe there's a personal god who pays attention to or cares about all our little lives. (Or who watches and does nothing about all the horrible things that happen in the world.) The only thing I can envision coming close to an idea of god is love, and what a miracle it can be. But that said, I love this quote...
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we
are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.'
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small
doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that
other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the
glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in
everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we subconsciously give other people
permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our
presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we
are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.'
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small
doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that
other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the
glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in
everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we subconsciously give other people
permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our
presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson
Monday, January 22, 2007
Shooting the Moon
I finally met my guru, Hannah Goodman, at a writing workshop in Rhode Island this weekend. She's the bomb! It was a fantastic class where Hannah helped me and four other women get unblocked and "release the writer within." We would do various exercises and then write, then share what we wrote, and then do another one. The stuff the other women wrote was amazing, and the words just came pouring out on the pages, exactly as Hannah promised they would. She is truly a muse! I was so psyched when I left, and ready to plunge in and finish my novel. I start an online course with Hannah next week called Finish Your Novel in 12 Weeks -- yeah!
Here's one of the things I wrote on Saturday. It was for an exercise in writing the way you talk, which I've tried to do since my first job many years ago as a radio reporter who idolized Charles Osgood. His kickers (final news item in each broadcast) were great.
So the other day I had this amazing realization, an epiphany. I've been so frustrated lately trying to figure out -- or define -- or to NAME really -- what I'm feeling and what I'm looking for in my life as my kids grow up and I head toward the big 5-0. And as I daydreamed about something completely unrelated, it hit me: that it's a lot like a game of Hearts.
Because with Hearts, there is always the possibility -- however remote or unlikely -- there is the hope, the actual possibility of shooting the moon. You may get the queen -- and you're always scared you're gonna get the queen -- but so what? Maybe you will get the queen, because life is full of risks, and then you'll realize you just might be able to shoot the moon, and so you try. Usually you fail, and get stuck with tons of points. But once in a great while -- maybe once in a lifetime even -- you really do shoot the moon, and it's awesome!
That's what I want, what I need in my life. I want to feel that passion. I want to go for it. I want to know that there IS the possibility -- however unlikely -- that I can shoot the moon.
Because really, if there isn't, what fun would Hearts be anyway? That game wouldn't be any fun at all if you couldn't shoot the moon.
Here's one of the things I wrote on Saturday. It was for an exercise in writing the way you talk, which I've tried to do since my first job many years ago as a radio reporter who idolized Charles Osgood. His kickers (final news item in each broadcast) were great.
So the other day I had this amazing realization, an epiphany. I've been so frustrated lately trying to figure out -- or define -- or to NAME really -- what I'm feeling and what I'm looking for in my life as my kids grow up and I head toward the big 5-0. And as I daydreamed about something completely unrelated, it hit me: that it's a lot like a game of Hearts.
Because with Hearts, there is always the possibility -- however remote or unlikely -- there is the hope, the actual possibility of shooting the moon. You may get the queen -- and you're always scared you're gonna get the queen -- but so what? Maybe you will get the queen, because life is full of risks, and then you'll realize you just might be able to shoot the moon, and so you try. Usually you fail, and get stuck with tons of points. But once in a great while -- maybe once in a lifetime even -- you really do shoot the moon, and it's awesome!
That's what I want, what I need in my life. I want to feel that passion. I want to go for it. I want to know that there IS the possibility -- however unlikely -- that I can shoot the moon.
Because really, if there isn't, what fun would Hearts be anyway? That game wouldn't be any fun at all if you couldn't shoot the moon.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Goals 2007
I think because of my upciming birthday this spring, I'm obsessed with setting new goals and achieving them. Here's what I've got so far:
1. Signed up to run a marathon, but had to scale back to a half-marathon. The training time was just too short, and the worst thing would be to get injured trying to run 26 miles and not be able to exercise every day, which is the far healthier goal. So I signed up for a second 1/2 marathon in September -- two halves make a whole, right? And if that goes well, I might just try the Marine Corps Marathon in October.
2. Signed up for two writing classes -- a 1/2 day seminar on Releasing the Writer Within, next Saturday in RI. I'm excited to meet Hannah G. and she promises to unblock me in one day! The second, also with Hannah, is a 12-week online class called "Finish Your Novel in 12 Weeks." Wouldn't then be awesome?!
3. Helping prepare a proposal for latrines for Medor, Haiti. Going to Medor March 14 - 21st. To get there, we have to fly to Port Au Prince, drive by truck on a very rough road for several hours until the road ends, then hike three hours up the mountain on a donkey trail, carrying everything we brought with us, including suitcases full of supplies, medicine, etc. for the village. The villagers come down to meet groups who visit. They carry new generators, bags of cement, and other heavy things up the trail on their heads -- with bare feet. We'll attend the dedication of the new church -- which we raised money for and the villagers built by hand -- while we're there. It's gonna be a week-long celebration. We'll also be hiking out to the water sources (some are two and three hours away on foot) we've identified and meeting with the committees in charge of the clean water and latrine projects. So excited about this.
4. New work challanges, which I will describe in a later post!
1. Signed up to run a marathon, but had to scale back to a half-marathon. The training time was just too short, and the worst thing would be to get injured trying to run 26 miles and not be able to exercise every day, which is the far healthier goal. So I signed up for a second 1/2 marathon in September -- two halves make a whole, right? And if that goes well, I might just try the Marine Corps Marathon in October.
2. Signed up for two writing classes -- a 1/2 day seminar on Releasing the Writer Within, next Saturday in RI. I'm excited to meet Hannah G. and she promises to unblock me in one day! The second, also with Hannah, is a 12-week online class called "Finish Your Novel in 12 Weeks." Wouldn't then be awesome?!
3. Helping prepare a proposal for latrines for Medor, Haiti. Going to Medor March 14 - 21st. To get there, we have to fly to Port Au Prince, drive by truck on a very rough road for several hours until the road ends, then hike three hours up the mountain on a donkey trail, carrying everything we brought with us, including suitcases full of supplies, medicine, etc. for the village. The villagers come down to meet groups who visit. They carry new generators, bags of cement, and other heavy things up the trail on their heads -- with bare feet. We'll attend the dedication of the new church -- which we raised money for and the villagers built by hand -- while we're there. It's gonna be a week-long celebration. We'll also be hiking out to the water sources (some are two and three hours away on foot) we've identified and meeting with the committees in charge of the clean water and latrine projects. So excited about this.
4. New work challanges, which I will describe in a later post!
Friday, January 05, 2007
Hunger
I'm starving. I made the thoroughly misguided decision to go on a cleansing diet this week, after being inspired by the newsletter I get every month from Kripalu, a yoga retreat center in Lenox, MA. I went there last summer with my friend Denise for her 50th birthday -- we did a golf/yoga/massage weekend and had a blast. Denise is an avid yogini, while I am a total hacker. Neither of us really fit in with all the serious yoga people, and they are dead serious, but we learned how to swing a golf club, took some great classes, and ate healthy vegetarian food for three days.
So on New Year's Day, I was leisurely reading my e-newsletter and having coffee when their front page article about a cleansing/detox diet, to get rid of those holiday 5 pounds and all the toxins that go with them, struck me as just a super fabbity idea. No meat, no dairy, no fat, no bread, no caffeine. Starting Tuesday morning, all I've eaten is fresh fruit and vegetables, broth, green tea and water. OK, I've cheated a little: I have one cup of coffee every morning, with a teeny bit of skim milk and half a Splenda. I was afraid if I went off all caffeine I'd have such a bad headache I couldn't get out of bed. I also had chili Wednesday night because I was so weak and miserable I didn't think I'd make it through my exercise class the next morning without some protein. (waah waah waah) Then I blew the class off anyway. Last night I was too tired and miserable -- do you see a theme here? -- to make anything good so I heated up a can of Campbell's tomato soup, which Denise helpfully reminded me had way too much sugar and wasn't cleansing at all. I told her off and hung up on her.
So now it's day four, my last day, and life sucks. I didn't work out again today, i hate my entire family and most of my friends, my stomach has a persistent, gnawing ache, and come to think of it so does my head, back, legs and ears. I can't think straight and feel horribly down in the dumps. I am totally unmotivated to do anything. The only ray of sunshine is the fact that it's raining and I'm not going to work, so at least I can stay in and do nothing with less guilt than if it was sunny and beautiful, especially since it's so unseasonably warm this week.
But this is it -- the last day of misery. I'm going to watch movies and take a nap to get through it, then break this stupid fast with happy hour and Mexican food, and lots of it. They say you get a clarity of mind from fasting, which of course I didn't really do and not for long enough, but the only thing I'm clear about is that being hungry sucks. Being hungry and not being able to just eat something and make that feeling go away is just really sucks.
Of course, going to bed hungry and waking up hungry is what millions of people experience every day of their lives, never having enough, never having a full belly. They operate at half power all the time. No wonder developing countries have so many problems. It's so obvious, and so unbelievably wrong. And while I've always been aware of this -- it's not exactly a newsflash -- it pisses me off even more now. Which has more to do with my own self absorption than anything.
But enough unpleasantness -- i'm freakin starving and need some inspiration. Mmmm, fish tacos, rice and beans, chips and salsa, frosty margueritas. Only eight more hours. As Denise would say, scrum!
So on New Year's Day, I was leisurely reading my e-newsletter and having coffee when their front page article about a cleansing/detox diet, to get rid of those holiday 5 pounds and all the toxins that go with them, struck me as just a super fabbity idea. No meat, no dairy, no fat, no bread, no caffeine. Starting Tuesday morning, all I've eaten is fresh fruit and vegetables, broth, green tea and water. OK, I've cheated a little: I have one cup of coffee every morning, with a teeny bit of skim milk and half a Splenda. I was afraid if I went off all caffeine I'd have such a bad headache I couldn't get out of bed. I also had chili Wednesday night because I was so weak and miserable I didn't think I'd make it through my exercise class the next morning without some protein. (waah waah waah) Then I blew the class off anyway. Last night I was too tired and miserable -- do you see a theme here? -- to make anything good so I heated up a can of Campbell's tomato soup, which Denise helpfully reminded me had way too much sugar and wasn't cleansing at all. I told her off and hung up on her.
So now it's day four, my last day, and life sucks. I didn't work out again today, i hate my entire family and most of my friends, my stomach has a persistent, gnawing ache, and come to think of it so does my head, back, legs and ears. I can't think straight and feel horribly down in the dumps. I am totally unmotivated to do anything. The only ray of sunshine is the fact that it's raining and I'm not going to work, so at least I can stay in and do nothing with less guilt than if it was sunny and beautiful, especially since it's so unseasonably warm this week.
But this is it -- the last day of misery. I'm going to watch movies and take a nap to get through it, then break this stupid fast with happy hour and Mexican food, and lots of it. They say you get a clarity of mind from fasting, which of course I didn't really do and not for long enough, but the only thing I'm clear about is that being hungry sucks. Being hungry and not being able to just eat something and make that feeling go away is just really sucks.
Of course, going to bed hungry and waking up hungry is what millions of people experience every day of their lives, never having enough, never having a full belly. They operate at half power all the time. No wonder developing countries have so many problems. It's so obvious, and so unbelievably wrong. And while I've always been aware of this -- it's not exactly a newsflash -- it pisses me off even more now. Which has more to do with my own self absorption than anything.
But enough unpleasantness -- i'm freakin starving and need some inspiration. Mmmm, fish tacos, rice and beans, chips and salsa, frosty margueritas. Only eight more hours. As Denise would say, scrum!
Sunday, December 31, 2006
I Resolve...
Well number one I resolve to write on my blog more! I am thoroughly ashamed that i haven't posted here since September. My most important new year's resolution for 2007 is to get back to my writing, both here and on my novel. But why should this time be any different than the previous six months, when my writing has been half-hearted at best? Well, aside from the idea of not doing what I said I was gonna do one year ago, which is just not acceptable, I made another momentous decision this past week, after having a momentous epiphany that woke me up in the middle of the night and slapped me upside my knucklebrain head.
Something is bothering me. And that something is blocking me from getting down to the nitty gritty and truly writing "naked," which is the only kind that counts. I've realized that I'm afraid to write what I'm really thinking and feeling, afraid to admit what's really roiling around in there. So I made an appointment to see someone -- a professional -- to help me sort out what the deal is.
As i said when I started this blog, I feel like I'm going through some major changes in my life as I approach 50. My kids are almost grown and I have a lot more freedom to do what i want with my time. I enjoy my work and look forward to new professional challenges this year, and feel like in that area the sky's the limit now. At the same time, I plan to consciously control how much time I spend working for pay and devote at least equal time to finishing my novel. I'm so excited about that!
But with this new freedom and lots of new choices has come a restlessness and searching for something, a dissatisfaction with the status quo. I've reacted to this strange sensation, which has been building for the past couple of years, in a number of ways. I've exercised like a maniac and pushed myself in road races and a mini-triathlon; I'm now signed up to run a marathon the day before my b-day in March. I've travelled a lot more than usual -- took a photography course in Florence, Italy; went to Paris with my mom; went to Egypt this fall; and am going to Haiti where my church has a sister parish in March. While I no longer actually GO to church, I really love this committee and the work it's done, building two schools, a church, a health clinic, and now brining clean water to 30,000 people in the village of Medor. I am a proud member of the latrine committee, and that's our next project -- giving 6000 families an outhouse/latrine of their own.
So that's all good. But it hasn't made the restless, jumping-out-of-my-skin, there's-gotta-be-something-more feeling go away. It's hard to explain, and I probably sound like a spoiled brat since i have a great life, healthy kids, good job, happy family and what more could anyone want. Everyone knows once you have good health, a roof over your head and food on the table, all the rest is gravy.
But I feel like a phony, like I'm play-acting most of the time. I feel like a rebel without a cause, pissed off sometimes about nothing but the fact that I don't know what the hell I'm doing, or why.
So that's my plan for 2007 -- to figure out why, to stop being afraid, and to write about it in the novel that I will finish before this year ends. Oh, and also work toward world peace. Amen.
Something is bothering me. And that something is blocking me from getting down to the nitty gritty and truly writing "naked," which is the only kind that counts. I've realized that I'm afraid to write what I'm really thinking and feeling, afraid to admit what's really roiling around in there. So I made an appointment to see someone -- a professional -- to help me sort out what the deal is.
As i said when I started this blog, I feel like I'm going through some major changes in my life as I approach 50. My kids are almost grown and I have a lot more freedom to do what i want with my time. I enjoy my work and look forward to new professional challenges this year, and feel like in that area the sky's the limit now. At the same time, I plan to consciously control how much time I spend working for pay and devote at least equal time to finishing my novel. I'm so excited about that!
But with this new freedom and lots of new choices has come a restlessness and searching for something, a dissatisfaction with the status quo. I've reacted to this strange sensation, which has been building for the past couple of years, in a number of ways. I've exercised like a maniac and pushed myself in road races and a mini-triathlon; I'm now signed up to run a marathon the day before my b-day in March. I've travelled a lot more than usual -- took a photography course in Florence, Italy; went to Paris with my mom; went to Egypt this fall; and am going to Haiti where my church has a sister parish in March. While I no longer actually GO to church, I really love this committee and the work it's done, building two schools, a church, a health clinic, and now brining clean water to 30,000 people in the village of Medor. I am a proud member of the latrine committee, and that's our next project -- giving 6000 families an outhouse/latrine of their own.
So that's all good. But it hasn't made the restless, jumping-out-of-my-skin, there's-gotta-be-something-more feeling go away. It's hard to explain, and I probably sound like a spoiled brat since i have a great life, healthy kids, good job, happy family and what more could anyone want. Everyone knows once you have good health, a roof over your head and food on the table, all the rest is gravy.
But I feel like a phony, like I'm play-acting most of the time. I feel like a rebel without a cause, pissed off sometimes about nothing but the fact that I don't know what the hell I'm doing, or why.
So that's my plan for 2007 -- to figure out why, to stop being afraid, and to write about it in the novel that I will finish before this year ends. Oh, and also work toward world peace. Amen.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Back to my Novel
OK, so I've completely digressed from the main reason for this blog -- seeking inspiration for my novel. I get sidetracked by my continuing outrage with the current administration, the weakness of the Democratic party (why don't they fight back, for god's sake?!), and my issues with faith and politics.
But back to writing. I met a woman ( a Rhode Islander, one of my people, yeah!) online this week through a mutual friend, who has self-published two novels, won an award for one of them, and is now teaching other aspiring writers how to do the same. She edits and critiques manuscripts, conducts writing classes, and offers seminars in self-publishing and how to turn your writing into a business, as she has. I love her!
Just having a few e-conversations with her has inspired me to get back to my story and stick to some kind of routine. After all, I can't show her my chapters if I haven't written them. So here I go. Check out her website -- she's amazing. Yeah Hannah!
http://www.hannahrgoodman.com/index.php
But back to writing. I met a woman ( a Rhode Islander, one of my people, yeah!) online this week through a mutual friend, who has self-published two novels, won an award for one of them, and is now teaching other aspiring writers how to do the same. She edits and critiques manuscripts, conducts writing classes, and offers seminars in self-publishing and how to turn your writing into a business, as she has. I love her!
Just having a few e-conversations with her has inspired me to get back to my story and stick to some kind of routine. After all, I can't show her my chapters if I haven't written them. So here I go. Check out her website -- she's amazing. Yeah Hannah!
http://www.hannahrgoodman.com/index.php
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