I met some really great women this weekend at my writers workshop, and one of them, Alaine, reminded me about a wonderful quote by Marianne Williamson that I've always loved. Now I don't know if there's a god, and I certainly don't believe there's a personal god who pays attention to or cares about all our little lives. (Or who watches and does nothing about all the horrible things that happen in the world.) The only thing I can envision coming close to an idea of god is love, and what a miracle it can be. But that said, I love this quote...
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we
are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.'
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small
doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that
other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the
glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in
everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we subconsciously give other people
permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our
presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
Shooting the Moon
I finally met my guru, Hannah Goodman, at a writing workshop in Rhode Island this weekend. She's the bomb! It was a fantastic class where Hannah helped me and four other women get unblocked and "release the writer within." We would do various exercises and then write, then share what we wrote, and then do another one. The stuff the other women wrote was amazing, and the words just came pouring out on the pages, exactly as Hannah promised they would. She is truly a muse! I was so psyched when I left, and ready to plunge in and finish my novel. I start an online course with Hannah next week called Finish Your Novel in 12 Weeks -- yeah!
Here's one of the things I wrote on Saturday. It was for an exercise in writing the way you talk, which I've tried to do since my first job many years ago as a radio reporter who idolized Charles Osgood. His kickers (final news item in each broadcast) were great.
So the other day I had this amazing realization, an epiphany. I've been so frustrated lately trying to figure out -- or define -- or to NAME really -- what I'm feeling and what I'm looking for in my life as my kids grow up and I head toward the big 5-0. And as I daydreamed about something completely unrelated, it hit me: that it's a lot like a game of Hearts.
Because with Hearts, there is always the possibility -- however remote or unlikely -- there is the hope, the actual possibility of shooting the moon. You may get the queen -- and you're always scared you're gonna get the queen -- but so what? Maybe you will get the queen, because life is full of risks, and then you'll realize you just might be able to shoot the moon, and so you try. Usually you fail, and get stuck with tons of points. But once in a great while -- maybe once in a lifetime even -- you really do shoot the moon, and it's awesome!
That's what I want, what I need in my life. I want to feel that passion. I want to go for it. I want to know that there IS the possibility -- however unlikely -- that I can shoot the moon.
Because really, if there isn't, what fun would Hearts be anyway? That game wouldn't be any fun at all if you couldn't shoot the moon.
Here's one of the things I wrote on Saturday. It was for an exercise in writing the way you talk, which I've tried to do since my first job many years ago as a radio reporter who idolized Charles Osgood. His kickers (final news item in each broadcast) were great.
So the other day I had this amazing realization, an epiphany. I've been so frustrated lately trying to figure out -- or define -- or to NAME really -- what I'm feeling and what I'm looking for in my life as my kids grow up and I head toward the big 5-0. And as I daydreamed about something completely unrelated, it hit me: that it's a lot like a game of Hearts.
Because with Hearts, there is always the possibility -- however remote or unlikely -- there is the hope, the actual possibility of shooting the moon. You may get the queen -- and you're always scared you're gonna get the queen -- but so what? Maybe you will get the queen, because life is full of risks, and then you'll realize you just might be able to shoot the moon, and so you try. Usually you fail, and get stuck with tons of points. But once in a great while -- maybe once in a lifetime even -- you really do shoot the moon, and it's awesome!
That's what I want, what I need in my life. I want to feel that passion. I want to go for it. I want to know that there IS the possibility -- however unlikely -- that I can shoot the moon.
Because really, if there isn't, what fun would Hearts be anyway? That game wouldn't be any fun at all if you couldn't shoot the moon.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Goals 2007
I think because of my upciming birthday this spring, I'm obsessed with setting new goals and achieving them. Here's what I've got so far:
1. Signed up to run a marathon, but had to scale back to a half-marathon. The training time was just too short, and the worst thing would be to get injured trying to run 26 miles and not be able to exercise every day, which is the far healthier goal. So I signed up for a second 1/2 marathon in September -- two halves make a whole, right? And if that goes well, I might just try the Marine Corps Marathon in October.
2. Signed up for two writing classes -- a 1/2 day seminar on Releasing the Writer Within, next Saturday in RI. I'm excited to meet Hannah G. and she promises to unblock me in one day! The second, also with Hannah, is a 12-week online class called "Finish Your Novel in 12 Weeks." Wouldn't then be awesome?!
3. Helping prepare a proposal for latrines for Medor, Haiti. Going to Medor March 14 - 21st. To get there, we have to fly to Port Au Prince, drive by truck on a very rough road for several hours until the road ends, then hike three hours up the mountain on a donkey trail, carrying everything we brought with us, including suitcases full of supplies, medicine, etc. for the village. The villagers come down to meet groups who visit. They carry new generators, bags of cement, and other heavy things up the trail on their heads -- with bare feet. We'll attend the dedication of the new church -- which we raised money for and the villagers built by hand -- while we're there. It's gonna be a week-long celebration. We'll also be hiking out to the water sources (some are two and three hours away on foot) we've identified and meeting with the committees in charge of the clean water and latrine projects. So excited about this.
4. New work challanges, which I will describe in a later post!
1. Signed up to run a marathon, but had to scale back to a half-marathon. The training time was just too short, and the worst thing would be to get injured trying to run 26 miles and not be able to exercise every day, which is the far healthier goal. So I signed up for a second 1/2 marathon in September -- two halves make a whole, right? And if that goes well, I might just try the Marine Corps Marathon in October.
2. Signed up for two writing classes -- a 1/2 day seminar on Releasing the Writer Within, next Saturday in RI. I'm excited to meet Hannah G. and she promises to unblock me in one day! The second, also with Hannah, is a 12-week online class called "Finish Your Novel in 12 Weeks." Wouldn't then be awesome?!
3. Helping prepare a proposal for latrines for Medor, Haiti. Going to Medor March 14 - 21st. To get there, we have to fly to Port Au Prince, drive by truck on a very rough road for several hours until the road ends, then hike three hours up the mountain on a donkey trail, carrying everything we brought with us, including suitcases full of supplies, medicine, etc. for the village. The villagers come down to meet groups who visit. They carry new generators, bags of cement, and other heavy things up the trail on their heads -- with bare feet. We'll attend the dedication of the new church -- which we raised money for and the villagers built by hand -- while we're there. It's gonna be a week-long celebration. We'll also be hiking out to the water sources (some are two and three hours away on foot) we've identified and meeting with the committees in charge of the clean water and latrine projects. So excited about this.
4. New work challanges, which I will describe in a later post!
Friday, January 05, 2007
Hunger
I'm starving. I made the thoroughly misguided decision to go on a cleansing diet this week, after being inspired by the newsletter I get every month from Kripalu, a yoga retreat center in Lenox, MA. I went there last summer with my friend Denise for her 50th birthday -- we did a golf/yoga/massage weekend and had a blast. Denise is an avid yogini, while I am a total hacker. Neither of us really fit in with all the serious yoga people, and they are dead serious, but we learned how to swing a golf club, took some great classes, and ate healthy vegetarian food for three days.
So on New Year's Day, I was leisurely reading my e-newsletter and having coffee when their front page article about a cleansing/detox diet, to get rid of those holiday 5 pounds and all the toxins that go with them, struck me as just a super fabbity idea. No meat, no dairy, no fat, no bread, no caffeine. Starting Tuesday morning, all I've eaten is fresh fruit and vegetables, broth, green tea and water. OK, I've cheated a little: I have one cup of coffee every morning, with a teeny bit of skim milk and half a Splenda. I was afraid if I went off all caffeine I'd have such a bad headache I couldn't get out of bed. I also had chili Wednesday night because I was so weak and miserable I didn't think I'd make it through my exercise class the next morning without some protein. (waah waah waah) Then I blew the class off anyway. Last night I was too tired and miserable -- do you see a theme here? -- to make anything good so I heated up a can of Campbell's tomato soup, which Denise helpfully reminded me had way too much sugar and wasn't cleansing at all. I told her off and hung up on her.
So now it's day four, my last day, and life sucks. I didn't work out again today, i hate my entire family and most of my friends, my stomach has a persistent, gnawing ache, and come to think of it so does my head, back, legs and ears. I can't think straight and feel horribly down in the dumps. I am totally unmotivated to do anything. The only ray of sunshine is the fact that it's raining and I'm not going to work, so at least I can stay in and do nothing with less guilt than if it was sunny and beautiful, especially since it's so unseasonably warm this week.
But this is it -- the last day of misery. I'm going to watch movies and take a nap to get through it, then break this stupid fast with happy hour and Mexican food, and lots of it. They say you get a clarity of mind from fasting, which of course I didn't really do and not for long enough, but the only thing I'm clear about is that being hungry sucks. Being hungry and not being able to just eat something and make that feeling go away is just really sucks.
Of course, going to bed hungry and waking up hungry is what millions of people experience every day of their lives, never having enough, never having a full belly. They operate at half power all the time. No wonder developing countries have so many problems. It's so obvious, and so unbelievably wrong. And while I've always been aware of this -- it's not exactly a newsflash -- it pisses me off even more now. Which has more to do with my own self absorption than anything.
But enough unpleasantness -- i'm freakin starving and need some inspiration. Mmmm, fish tacos, rice and beans, chips and salsa, frosty margueritas. Only eight more hours. As Denise would say, scrum!
So on New Year's Day, I was leisurely reading my e-newsletter and having coffee when their front page article about a cleansing/detox diet, to get rid of those holiday 5 pounds and all the toxins that go with them, struck me as just a super fabbity idea. No meat, no dairy, no fat, no bread, no caffeine. Starting Tuesday morning, all I've eaten is fresh fruit and vegetables, broth, green tea and water. OK, I've cheated a little: I have one cup of coffee every morning, with a teeny bit of skim milk and half a Splenda. I was afraid if I went off all caffeine I'd have such a bad headache I couldn't get out of bed. I also had chili Wednesday night because I was so weak and miserable I didn't think I'd make it through my exercise class the next morning without some protein. (waah waah waah) Then I blew the class off anyway. Last night I was too tired and miserable -- do you see a theme here? -- to make anything good so I heated up a can of Campbell's tomato soup, which Denise helpfully reminded me had way too much sugar and wasn't cleansing at all. I told her off and hung up on her.
So now it's day four, my last day, and life sucks. I didn't work out again today, i hate my entire family and most of my friends, my stomach has a persistent, gnawing ache, and come to think of it so does my head, back, legs and ears. I can't think straight and feel horribly down in the dumps. I am totally unmotivated to do anything. The only ray of sunshine is the fact that it's raining and I'm not going to work, so at least I can stay in and do nothing with less guilt than if it was sunny and beautiful, especially since it's so unseasonably warm this week.
But this is it -- the last day of misery. I'm going to watch movies and take a nap to get through it, then break this stupid fast with happy hour and Mexican food, and lots of it. They say you get a clarity of mind from fasting, which of course I didn't really do and not for long enough, but the only thing I'm clear about is that being hungry sucks. Being hungry and not being able to just eat something and make that feeling go away is just really sucks.
Of course, going to bed hungry and waking up hungry is what millions of people experience every day of their lives, never having enough, never having a full belly. They operate at half power all the time. No wonder developing countries have so many problems. It's so obvious, and so unbelievably wrong. And while I've always been aware of this -- it's not exactly a newsflash -- it pisses me off even more now. Which has more to do with my own self absorption than anything.
But enough unpleasantness -- i'm freakin starving and need some inspiration. Mmmm, fish tacos, rice and beans, chips and salsa, frosty margueritas. Only eight more hours. As Denise would say, scrum!
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