Terrible Randomness of Fate

I found out last night that a friend and former neighbor, who has a daughter my daughte Nickie's age, 17, and a son two years younger, has pancreatic cancer that has spread to her liver and abdomen. She's 47 years old, is Japanese American and has always had a really healthy diet, never smoked, barely drinks, and is one of the most disciplined exercisers I know, and always has been. She has NONE of the risk factors, which makes it all the more horrible and incomprehensible.

Her husband, who is not quite 50, is a great guy who had prostate cancer and surgery this year, which was its own trauma. But he recovered and they were moving forward. He's in the foreign service, and they moved to our neighborhood many years ago, renting from another foreign service family at the top of our street. My kids were homeschooling at the time, and when they heard there were new kids on the block, they made a welcome basket of cookies and knocked on their door. Sharon told me that was a particularly tough move (foreign service families usually have to move to new posts overseas and back every few years) and her kids were having a hard time. She said the girls showing up was like angels on the doorstep, that it really turned things around for her kids and she would always be grateful for that. She is an incredible mother, an amazing cook, a funny, fun, kind and levelheaded person, a schoolteacher. Loyal, solid, hardworking, full of integrity.

Nickie became good friends with Laura, and visited the family in Budapest for two weeks when she was 14. Like Nickie, Laura will be leaving for college in the fall, but under extremely different and difficult circumstances now, which is just heartbreaking to think about.

My father and grandfather both died of pancreatic cancer when they were 60. Once it spreads, the prognosis is three to six months. Chemotherapy can improve the symptoms, which include severe abdominal pain, but doesn't stop the cancer. Early detection is the key, but almost never happens because when someone first becomes aware of the pain, it is usually too late.

I couldn't sleep thinking about Sharon, and about how random and WRONG and devastating this is. It's so upsetting to all of us who exercise with her in Ginny's classes in the neighborhood, because she is the poster child of healthy living. If this is happening to her, all of our efforts to be healthy don't protect us either, right?

I got a new road bike and went riding with a group in New York last weekend. My subgroup included two guys who were 79 and 82. They were awesome, incredibly fit and inspirational in their attitudes and enjoyment of life. I thought, "They're 30 years older than I am. Think of all the experiences they've had since they were my age now -- as many as I've had since I was 20!" It was such a clear testament to the power of healthy living.

And now this. Which reminds me once again that life is one big crapshoot. Of course it makes sense to try to be healthy, but that's no guarantee. We are all devastated for our friend, for her family, for our own impending loss of her, but also for the stark reminder that none of us is safe from this kind of news. And we're going to encounter it more and more often in our own age group now. Shocking, scary, sobering and unsettling.