Where have all my commenters gone? Did I offend you with my last post, with the idea that my character may have a scandalous affair with a priest? Come on, statistics show that about 65% of priests are gay, and about 80% do not believe in celibacy. It's not that farfetched. What's farfetched is the church's insistence on pretending these realities don't exist!
Anyway, that's what I love about novel writing -- being able to explore these topics with my characters. But that's not the subject of this post.
Someone told me they were fond of me today. I HATE the word "fond." I would honestly rather have someone tell me they hate my stinking guts -- at least that has passion! Fond is mewey and icky and half-hearted. Fond is how someone feels about their maiden aunt, or how people feel about Melanie Wilkes in Gone With the Wind. You know you should love her because she is so good and so kind and so saintly, but she's just no damn fun. I'll take Scarlett -- ya gotta love her or hate her, or both -- any day. And I would definitely rather hang out with Scarlett; she's funny and strong and always where the action is. She has her moral lapses, but she lives her life with such passion and determination, how can you not admire that?
Fond is like "bless her heart," how polite southern ladies talk about someone they don't really like or feel sorry for, as in: "How's Clarice?" "Oh, she's fine. She's put on that weight again, bless her heart." You don't want your southern friends tacking "bless her heart" on the end of any sentence about you. That's the kiss of death. And that's how "fond" always sounds to me.
Is that weird? Do you agree or disagree? Am I wrong to feel such loathing for the word fond?
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8 comments:
"Fond" is what people say when they've broken up with you. Or years later they say, "Oh yes, I was very fond of her."
Or perhaps its because "fond" sounds too much like "bland"?
as a polite southern lady, i can assure you that i am not fond of saying "bless her heart!"
I have no particular dislike for 'fond' but it is a bit of a mushy word. White bread. Sunbeam batter whipped vs. a crusty bagette. One definition is 'doting'...something I don't do. Or coddling. Don't do that either. Being a southern myself, I can't say that I've ever used the phrase "Bless his/her heart" but lordy mercy I've heard it said many 'a time. It's not always the kiss of death as you say. It can in fact convey a sentiment of concern, something of a small prayer, as in really asking a blessing on someone. Or to indicate a feeling of pity or helplessness for someone. Someone who's ill for example. But the circumstance in which it's being said and most importantly, who is saying it and about whom, is really what determines the meaning. If you hear a southerner use it reference to anything about a "yankee" (which you clearly are), you probably can be certain that there's a heapin' helpin' of irreverence attached to it.
Enough of that. Your opening paragraph I find most interesting. Were you really concerned about offending someone?
Re: the church, if there's one thing the institution does well, it's pretending that things don't exist. Particularly any dissenting opinions. Why? Because dissension makes controling the thoughts and actions of the parishioners difficult. Which is the real job of the church, right....to enforce conformity?
I guess it depends on your personality in the first place. If you are a person who likes to live life with high intensity, high energy, speak dynamically and use many varied adjectives, "fond" would seem like the kiss of death. Barely adequate! For others, however, it conveys a calm depth of emotion.
Well I'm all for calm depth of emotion, if that's what fond can mean. I looked it up today too, like Billiek. One definition was indeed doting, and another was "cherished with strong or unreasoning feeling." I like that one too, especially the unreasoning part!
Also, billiek, I've been thinking you were a woman, but now I'm thinking you might be a man. This whole anonymity thing is fun, but for some reason I prefer to know the gender. I think I've got the others now, but not you. Do you mind revealing: M or F?
Also, forgot to mention that I wasn't concerned about offending, just wondering if I had, since no one reacted to what I considered very exciting news about the theme of novel number two, and that there's gonna be a novel #2!
And yes, the church is all about enforcing conformity. As a parent I think some aspects of that can be good (children have a strong need to belong to a group, and being catholic has always been a strong part of my identity in very positive ways, despite how screwed up and wrong I think the church usually is. Ironic, huh?). Other aspects of forced conformity, especially for kids, can be very very most definitely bad.
Gender anonymity means you have to forego any preconceptions you may have about how people think and respond based on their gender. I think that's a good thing. Don't you? Karen, tell us why you want to have a blog. What were/are your expectations of it? And I apologize if you've explained that in previous posts as I have to confess I haven't gone back and read word for word all of your posts from the beginning.
What?! You haven't read every single pearl I've posted? For shame!
Actually, if you go to my very first post -- click on May 2006 in the archives section -- it explains what I was looking for. But this is my first blog, and I'm learning as I go. I definitely go off on tangents -- that's my nature. Tune in tomorrow where I will address your interesting question further, after a good night's sleep.
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